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com/o1744EuPsS WHOI Media Relations (@WHOImedia) March 2,爱上海Robelle, FBI chief James Comey seemed to open the door for pot smokers when he told the American Bar Associations annual white-collar crime conference that the bureau might be relaxing its rules for hiring, But you just. "click" How does that work Personally Im not one for flighty explanations like simpatico serendipity or soulmates In Click: The Magic of Instant Connections Ori Brafman and Rom Brafman (authors of the interesting book Sway: The Irresistable Pull of Irrational Behavior) explore these phenomena and give some solid insights They discuss a number of the more obvious causes of connection like proximity and similarity but what struck me most was their emphasis on vulnerability Via Click: The Magic of Instant Connections: Allowing yourself to be vulnerable helps the other person to trust you precisely because you are putting yourself at emotional psychological or physical risk Other people tend to react by being more open and vulnerable themselves The fact that both of you are letting down your guard helps to lay the groundwork for a faster closer personal connection When you both make yourselves vulnerable from the outset and are candid in revealing who you are and how you think and feel you create an environment that fosters the kind of openness that can lead to an instant connection a click Vulnerability is also the element of clicking you have the most control over and can therefore use to improve how often and how deeply you connect with others Theres a heirarchy of vulnerability in the types of communication we have each one being more open and more likely to lead to a solid connection: The authors spell it out clearly: "We can help to create magical connections simply by elevating the language we use from the phatic to the peak level" Does this really work Yes Arthur Aron studies what makes people connect quickly and deeply and has found its the emotional personal form of information exchange that promotes feelings of understanding You can even use it to accelerate the creation of bonds with strangers Its just a matter of asking the right questions Via Sam Goslings book Snoop: What Your Stuff Says About You: Arthur Aron a psychologist at the State University of New York at Stony Brook is interested in how people form romantic relationships and hes come up with an ingenious way of taking men and women who have never met before and making them feel close to one another Given that he has just an hour or so to create the intimacy levels that typically take weeks months or years to form he accelerated the getting-to-know-you process through a set of thirty-six questions crafted to take the participants rapidly from level one in McAdamss system to level two (You can read some of the questions used here) But how effective can this be really In under an hour it can create a connection stronger than a lifelong friendship Via Click: The Magic of Instant Connections: What he found was striking The intensity of the dialogue partners bond at the end of the forty-five-minute vulnerability interaction was rated as closer than the closest relationship in the lives of 30 percent of similar students In other words the instant connections were more powerful than many long-term even lifelong relationships The content itself is less important than how personal and emotional it is Having online daters discuss controversial and taboo subjects like STDs and aborton is more effective in building a connection than "safer" topics: Instead of talking about the World Cup or their favorite desserts they shared their innermost fears or told the story of losing their virginity Everyone both sender and replier was happier with the interaction Click points out that studies have shown self-disclosure promotes sexual satisfaction and relationship/marital satisfaction It even helps online daters: . 37, or if you miss the notification.

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